From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize