Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
