your parents love me but you hate me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can I color on your dick again?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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