I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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