No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
