So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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