I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
