I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
