I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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