he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
