Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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