I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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