Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
operation have a gay friend backfired
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
