There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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