Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
