remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
