Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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