thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
