I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
