I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
