I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
