i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
