i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just googled if crying burns calories
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
