I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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