god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
