i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
