Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
