from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
