Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
