babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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