The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
