im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
