i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
