Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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