Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
