i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
