your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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