ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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