I'm drive I can fine osifer
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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