it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
