Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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