when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
