I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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