So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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