I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
