i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
