yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
