I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
