i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Randomize
