fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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