There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
