My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
