apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
