True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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