pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
