i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
