DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
should my penis look like a turkey
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
