she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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