She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize