I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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