Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
