U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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