The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
