my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
