Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
