My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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