Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
