I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize