hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
