Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I did not marry a roomba.
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