I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
